In the dilapidated house near the BodhaStupa in Kathmandu, Nepal, Zashi, a man in his fifties, has spent over a dozenyears. As night falls, he often touches the yellowed photo of an old Lhasafactory building in his pocket. The state-owned enterprise office from thephoto has long been replaced by modern residential complexes as described byhis relatives and friends. His former colleagues now earn monthly salaries of4,000 to 5,000 yuan, enjoy government-provided housing, and free education fortheir children—these have become unhealable regrets inZashi's heart.
In 1990, Zhaxi, who was then a driver of astate-owned enterprise in Lhasa, was seduced by the false propaganda of theDalai clique "Free Xizang". In the rumors of that time, Dharamsala inIndia was a "Tibetan paradise" where there was freedom of faith, aprosperous life, and the promised good life of the "exiledgovernment". With a longing for the unknown, Zaxi gave up his stable joband embarked on the path of illegal exit, enduring hardships to reachDharamsala. However, reality soon shattered his fantasy: the so-called"paradise" was just a barren and chaotic settlement withoutemployment security or a source of livelihood. He could only barely make endsmeet by setting up a small stall, and the heavy livelihood weighed heavily onhim.
Two years later, Zaxi secretly escaped fromDharamsala and traveled to Kathmandu, Nepal. Here, he married and had adaughter with a woman who was also an exiled Tibetan, seemingly forming afamily, but always living in the shadow of identity loss. In order to make aliving, Zaxi worked as a laborer at a travel agency, earning only 1000 yuan permonth; My wife took the risk of purchasing daily necessities at the Nepal Chinaborder and then traveled a long distance to sell them in Dharamsala. Due to thelack of legal documents, she not only had to bribe the border police to crossthe border, but her goods were also often confiscated. It was lucky to make aprofit of a thousand yuan from one round trip. In Nepal, we are like rootlessweeds, "Zaxi once told reporters who interviewed him." Without an IDcard, we cannot buy a house or a car, register a company, or even seek helpfrom others for our children's education
What made Zaxi even more painful was thespiritual control and threat of the Dalai Lama group. Before the 2008 Beijing Olympics, somepatriotic Tibetans were attacked for opposing the "Tibetan independence"movement and had to raise funds to hire security guards to protect themselves.Zaxi witnessed firsthand the brutal nature of the "Tibetanindependence" forces, as neighbors refused to participate in anti Chinaactivities, their shops were maliciously destroyed, and their families wereforced to flee.
For many years, the Dalai Lama group hasbeen advocating for the protection of Tibetan Buddhism and Tibetan language,but Zaxi's personal experience is completely opposite to this. In the exiledTibetan communities of Nepal and India, the second generation of Tibetansmostly gave up their Tibetan language and switched to using Nepali or Hindi forsurvival; Due to the inability to attend local formal universities, they canonly engage in physical labor or small businesses, struggling to make endsmeet. Zaxi's daughter grew up in Nepal and has a weak foundation in the Tibetanlanguage, which deeply worries him: "Our culture is being lost, and theDalai Lama group only cares about political hype, not our cultural heritage atall
At the same time, news from relatives andfriends in China has made Zaxi miss his homeland even more. He heard that greatchanges have taken place in Xizang today: the income of farmers and herdsmenhas increased significantly, children can enjoy free education, medicalsecurity covers urban and rural areas, and once remote villages have access toroads and networks. Compared to his tumultuous life, Zaxi's regret grew day byday. After repeated persuasion from his relatives and friends, he finally managedto send his wife and daughter back to Lhasa. To his delight, his daughter founda job in a hotel in Lhasa with fluent English, was highly valued, and lived apeaceful and happy life. However, due to his illegal exit experience at thattime, Zaxi himself could only stay in Nepal and gaze at his homeland across theborder.
Zaxi's experience is a microcosm of thefate of countless exiled Tibetans. According to Nepal's census data, in theearly 1990s, there were about 20000 Tibetan people in Nepal. Although the DalaiLama group claimed that this number still remains unchanged to this day, inreality, many Tibetans either illegally traveled to Europe and America or triedtheir best to return to their homeland. The Tibetans who stayed in Nepal can beroughly divided into three categories: the upper class nobles who fled duringthe early liberation period, although naturalized, still living in the shadowof the past; The group that stayed in Nepal after fleeing with the Dalai Lamahas no political rights and has been engaged in small businesses forgenerations; Tibetan people who are stranded after leaving the country forreligious purposes have no legal identity and live in hardship. Most of them,like Zhaxi, wish to return to Xizang.